Many years ago I had to make a speech at a memorial service for a great friend and client who had died. He was well known in the real estate industry, indeed at the absolute pinnacle, and I knew that about 500 people would be watching, many of them movers and shakers also at the pinnacle of the real estate industry in NYC. For purposes of this article I will call him Toby.

I wasn’t really good at public speaking, and that made me nervous. Making it worse, I had no idea what to say. I mean, I was speaking about a super cool person to the most important people in the real estate world. And I was “just” a plain old real estate lawyer at a small and then mostly unknown real estate law firm in NYC.

Worse yet, I had volunteered to do this, and I was now kicking myself for it. I didn’t need this aggravation. I had enough miserable annoyances already going on.

But then, as I was driving into work at probably about 5:00 AM or maybe earlier, Toby spoke to me and told me what to say.

No, I haven’t lost my mind (at least not yet), and there wasn’t a voice speaking out loud, but I felt Toby’s presence. It was one of the most beautiful messages I had ever received, from a great man, and I am passing it on to you herewith, paraphrased a bit:

Words for Toby

My name is Bruce Stachenfeld.

I am the managing partner of Duval & Stachenfeld (now Adler & Stachenfeld); we are a relatively small law firm based in Midtown Manhattan.

Since we started the firm about 13 years ago, SmithCo has been one of our major clients, and Toby has been responsible for the decision to stick with us over these many years.

I was also Toby’s personal lawyer on most matters for the past ten years.

And finally, I was Toby’s friend, and I loved him very much.

Toby did a great many incredible things in his life; however, in my few minutes here, I am not going to talk specifically about Toby’s qualities. Instead, I want to talk about something slightly different.

It is a story about a party I went to for Toby. It was a cool party, but what was amazing was that it seemed like “everyone” had had their lives dramatically improved by Toby. There were:

  • People who had their jobs because of Toby
  • People who were wealthy because of Toby
  • People who had their careers dramatically enhanced because of Toby
  • People who worked for companies that did much better than they would have done because of Toby
  • Even people who had found their spouses through Toby
  • People who were just happy that they were in the special Toby Club of cool persons whom Toby blessed
  • And, yes, finally, lawyers whose careers were made by Toby

So I looked around the room and was beyond impressed; I was kind of shocked. All these people whose lives were uplifted and made better by Toby, wow!

Then I thought about myself a bit. Who am I?

I like to think I am pretty smart and not the worst lawyer out there. However, we all live in a world of impressions. I wonder, did others think that since Toby had picked me as a lawyer, maybe I must be pretty good?

Somehow I am the managing partner of a 50-lawyer law firm in New York City. How much of that is due to Toby? Being honest with myself, quite a bit.

He pushed and pulled me into a place I would never have come to without his guidance and inspiration and loyalty to me and my firm.

So [I said to those who were listening], as you stand or sit here, I wonder, as you think of your own lives, how much did Toby do for you?

Are you better off? Are you richer? Are you more successful? Are you happier? Are you more in love? Are you more stable? Arising from your relationship with Toby?

I bet everyone in this room is, in one of the foregoing ways.

So then the question arises: what are you going to do with your Toby gifts? That’s the theme of my short words here for Toby.

Are you going to just enjoy these wonderful gifts? Or are you going to be inspired by these gifts and do something with them?

I have elected the latter.

Toby spent his life doing all sorts of amazing things, but the key element I take away from him is that he was a guide and inspiration to me and many others; he lifted us to a higher level. Wherever I am in the world today, it is higher up than it would have been without him.

So I am inspired by Toby to try to do what he did and to use my Toby gifts:

  • To help people
  • To inspire people
  • To pull and push people to be the best they can be
  • To love those around me
  • And to spread joy and happiness in the world

Ultimately, I want to be like Toby….

So that is what I said. I could take credit for a great speech, but it was really Toby speaking through me. I was merely a vessel for his message.

And I am taking the liberty now of asking you to take a moment to assess why you are where you are. I suspect there was a Toby or two in your life who pushed or pulled you to the greatness you now have. It is pretty cool to take some time to personally thank your Toby. Yes, he/she will appreciate that.

And of course, I do hope that this inspires you, too, to be Toby yourself. I know I am trying to do that every day, not least by remembering this speech and imparting it to you.

Bruce Stachenfeld, aka The Real Estate Philosopher™